What's a Triglyceride?

I hate going to the doctor. Nothing good ever comes from me visiting the doctor. If I’m sick and go to the doctor, they tell me it’s a virus and there’s nothing they can do to help. If I go in when I’m feeling pretty good, they always find something wrong that I probably would have preferred not knowing about. The whole process seems a bit ridiculous to me.

A couple of weeks ago, I had to go in for a physical in order to update our Home Study for our adoption paperwork. Now, I’m not ignorant to the fact that I’m overweight and probably need to pay more attention to my diet and exercise regimen. I’ve actually take steps recently to work on that (more about that later). And of course, after the exam is over, the doctor tells me that I need to drop some weight and to exercise more. Like I needed to pay $15 to find that out.

Unfortunately, as we’re finishing up, the doctor looks back at my chart and tells me that she’s scheduling me for a cholesterol check, since it’s been 4 years since my last check. Oh what fun. Like I need more holes in my body. Because the only thing I despise more than going ot the doctor is needles. I fully believe that God designed us with the perfect number of holes and apertures in our body, and to stick needles into us calls into question the validity of God’s design. But I digress.

So I go in last week to let the vampires their large vial of blood (my arm is still bruised 8 days later). I figure I’d hear from the lab with my results within a few days, already assuming that my numbers will be high and I’d probably end up on one of those medications you see advertised on TV with the list of possible side effects that make us all cringe. So, imagine my annoyance when I finally talk to the lab and all they tell me is my results are ‘abnormal’ and I need to come in to discuss them. Abnormal? That’s all I get? With my mind racing as to what this might imply, I schedule the appointment and begin to stress out about it for the next 24 hours.

On Thursday, I go back to the doctor for my lecture, having dispelled the belief that my ‘abnormality’ would result in me turning into some hybrid of The Incredible Hulk and Pizza The Hut, but still a little annoyed at the whole situation. After a little small talk, my doctor pulls out my lab results. My cholesterol is actually not that bad, only a few points over the desired number, and only 5 points higher than it was in 2005. Nothing abnormal there. My ‘good’ cholesterol was a little under the desired level, but again, nothing to get alarmed about. So now I’m getting a little frustrated with the fact that I had to drag myself back into the office under the belief that something drastic was wrong.

Then we got to the triglyceride levels. After looking at what the desired level was, and what my results were, ‘abnormal’ suddenly seemed to be, well, appropriate.

Sidebar – if high triglyceride levels are a greater cause of concern than Cholesterol, why are we being programmed that we have to keep our cholesterol down, and not our triglycerides?

So, why is it so high? Who knows for sure. My lack of exercise and dietary choices factor in, my ancestry factors in, stress factors in. How do I lower those levels? Exercise more, eat better, reduce stress. So I guess I will be visiting the gym more frequently and McDonald’s less frequently. As far as reducing stress, I still have to go to work, so that’s not going to change anytime soon.

And, the thing is, I’ve already been making some adjustments. I’ve been to the gym fairly regularly over the last few weeks. I even ran my first sub-9 minute mile since my freshman year of high school. Even though it was on an elliptical machine and probably doesn’t count in the eyes of ‘real’ runners, I’m still claiming it as a victory. Heck, I’d even dropped 6 pounds between the day of my physical and yesterday’s appointment. The diet thing will be more of a challenge, because I’m a ridiculously picky eater, and I love me my comfort foods and my grilled beast.

So, it all comes down to the triglycerides. Boy, am I going to be angry if I find out that these are some mythical energy sources found only in the Star Trek universe.